Dumbhousemates

This is all pretty much word for word. Infact, while typing, Jack has just said it again so we can make sure the quote is correct.

As a back story, Jack went to a gay bar last night. Just now, he said “I’ll tell you what I had yesterday that I didn’t know existed” to which Byron hilariously asked “a massive cock up your arse?” Jack then told us about a man with a massive cock he saw “in the pisser” last night and then said:

“Some people with proper big cocks choose to be gay cos they can’t get full penetration with a woman so it’s easier to get full penetration up the arse…..ah yeah, I didn’t know Rolo cookies existed.”
Cue me and Byron laughing a lot and then “I knew Smartie cookies existed”

Last night Jack decided to inform us of people looking like animals, I admit I’ve seen resemblances to animals before, but not in such depth. This all started due to asking me what two animals James Harper looks like

Clearly the answers are A) Frog and B) Fish. The same goes for Harper’s team mate Jordan Stewart.

Jack then decided to tell us about other animal look-a-likes ;

Mice

Mice girls look good. They’ve got the ears, head and hair, people only look like mice from behind, and are normally seen when he’s sat on the bus. Good place to look for them, if interested. Allegedly, they’re the best animal to look like, the main points are, hair style, being quite small and having cute ears, this gives off the illusion of being hot, regular women can’t do that.

Unfortunately Jack didn’t give an example, as it’s normally just people he is sat behind. So here’s who I think he’s thinking of ;

Sheep

After his mouse ramblings, he decided there’s lots of animal look a likes, he listed fish, frog, rat, mouse, thought for a few seconds, turned to us and uttered “Oh! Sheep!” As if that’s the most obvious thing in the world.

So, sheep. Women don’t look like sheep, it’s just men, they’ve got to have short curly hair, however, it’s not just about hair. A prime sheep is someone like Hernan Crespo or Justin Timberlake.

Jack says he has been referring to Hernan as a sheep for twelve years, and that sheep are rare but easier to spot, I ask what he means, “Hernan Crespo is what I mean!” is his response. I have never felt so enlightened. Also, other than prime sheep, there is also the lesser spotted ‘Smallpox ridden sheep”, or, Wes Brown to give it a name.

Other Animals

When asking for more animals, we suggested a few. Cat? “Falls into mouse category.” Dog? “Too obvious. Mingers.” Baboon? “Racist.” Horse? “Prime!”

Horse

Horse faces are really obvious, one of the bigger animal to human look a likes, the obvious two are Ruud and Sarah Jessica Parker

I’m sure there will be more animal look a likes to come soon enough.

The first of these “Word Of The Day” is snap, to mark the launch of the new Snaps section.

snap

n.

1. A photographed image.

Example:
When talking about a picture, usually involving Jack, that he likes
“Great snap”

Snap 1

Posted on: October 28, 2009

Occasionally Jack and Dan socialise together. When they do, they get on like a house on fire and love each other unconditionally, as can be seen below

Jack And Dan

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I don’t know if you’re familiar with the show Glitterball, as it has now ceased to be, but back in the day it was a great show. Basically, it was on late at night and people would ring an expensive number with answers to stupid questions in the hope of winning money.  So it could be “Name a film with a colour in the title”, you’d try ring in, say Blue Velvet and if it’s on the board, you’d win a lot of money. The answers were usually impossible though, with one night asking the question “Something you’d find in a woman’s handbag” and two of the answers being Rawl plugs and a balaclava. Full story here, it’s a great story. Occasionally you would have to fill in a word instead of a question

Anyway, this fateful night, we got back to Dan’s house after a night of drinking, to find Glitterball on the TV. They were asking you to ring in and fill in the missing word. The phrase to complete was “Double ….”. Obvious answers would be “Double cream”, “Double jeopardy”, “Double up”, the list goes on. However, Dan knows how this game works, and the obvious answers won’t be on the board, and will have already been said. He tells me to ring in with his suggestion. I laugh, thinking it is a joke, but he informs me he is being serious and I’ll win £500. I explain that it’ll cost loads to get through, but he says it doesn’t matter, as I’ll win more than it’ll cost. It’s a good point, I’ll give him that, but I was a bit sceptical that his suggestion would be there. What was his suggestion? Obviously it was “Double penetration”

I wasn’t here for this, but one night, Jack was watching Peep Show and was discussing how Elena had big eyes. Now, as you can see in the photo below, they’re quite big, but not massive

 

According to Jack though, “there’s only one person with eyes bigger…Frank Sidebottom”. This is quite a statement in itself, but when I got in the next day and was asked if I knew who Frank Sidebottom was, without knowing the conversation the night before, I had no idea. I was then informed of the previous night and looked him up on my phone. As soon as his picture loaded, I laughed, a lot. For those of you who don’t know who Frank Sidebottom is, take a look

That’s right, he is a comedy character with a cartoon face. Frank Sidebottom I mean, not Jack. In fairness to Jack though, he’s right, Frank Sidebottom does have bigger eyes than Elena. Don’t be fooled though, Jack is very rarely right, but that’s another story for next time

Hello, my name is Dan. I’m one of the lucky geezers who gets to live with Byron and Arwell, the other being Jack. I occasionally do or say dumb things, most of which will be documented in this blog. I’m 23 and work in engineering, like a grown up, but as you’ll read, I’m a cretin. Enjoy

 

This is how I look

 

 

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